My long-time friend-with-the-sick-cat has kept me informed about her pet's condition. I did not envy her the 2 hour wait at the vet's, the expensive treatment, the trip to the supermarket for choice cuts of chicken, nor the cleaning up of the cat's vomit. We had far more fun at our reunion.
Now she has sent me this to read. I can't understand why - I know she reads my blog and it seems to me that she is deliberately slipping information to the enemy.
Dear Dog and/or Cat
When I say to move, it means go somewhere else, not switch positions with each other so that there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are your and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plateof food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, not do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not continue to think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you....
Finally, there was this bit at the end:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
- They live here; you don't.
- If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
- I like my pet better than I like most people.
- To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son
and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech
challenged. - Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't
worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need
a gazillion dollars for college, and when they have young, you can sell the
results.
Somehow I don't think this topic is yet over. Perhaps it behoves me to continue telling The Truth About Cats and Dogs.