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Jean

I love your honesty. So good to see someone admitting that however much you love the bride this cannot make you love the event if it's not your kind of thing. I was at a wedding on Easter Saturday and had most of the feelings you describe, whilst being delighted for the couple, who just beam at one other all the time and whom I had a hand in introducing to each other. How much more challenging when it's your daughter. I don't see, though, why she would become 'more one of them than one of us'. Maybe the wedding being not really your cup of tea (not herbal?) was a little conducive to undue pessimism, joy notwithstanding?

Jude

Thanks, Jean, for trying to hear what I was saying. You are right; I don't really think we will lose our daughter to the in-laws. It's just that she is now living among them and it's far away from us. Moreover, she has abandoned our name for theirs! When I married I wasn't game to buck convention and keep my own surname, but I had always secretly hoped that my daughters might. My consolation is that both my girls have become attached to other families of good-living people and doing their bit for cultural cross-fertilisation. Both e-mail me several times a week, and there are lots of shorthand text messages from their phones in between.

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